Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Weekly art update...

You know something, the majority of plus size clothing designers are shite. Just, ugh. There have been a few super cute designers, but over the years they've closed down, moved onto different things, etc etc. A few great places remain, but not enough. NOT ENOUGH I SAY. I have very little clothing at present, due to a variety of things (destruction by dogs, weight gain, etc etc) and for the life of me, I can't find plus size clothes I want to buy. So, I've started working on designing some of my own.

Coincidentally, this is also forcing me to work on my art again. Re-learning photoshop is weird. I'm thinking of getting Paint tool Sai when I have the ££. 

I digress, here's my latest finished piece, based on this outfit post by the beautiful Cailey of darlingiknow.tumblr.com (so many babes on Tumblr, ughhh <3).


  • Top - White tee, tie dyed with a baby pink. "Hell Spawn 666" screen printed on the front. 
  • Skirt - Pink Monster fur, with thick pink jersey (sweat pant fabric) side panels (not pictured) to make it "pull on" and suitable for wheelchair users. 
  • Leggings - Plain white leggings tie dyed with a sky blue
  • Shoes - Y.R.U Qozmo Unicorn (covetttt)
  • Handbag - Kreepsville 666 Eyeball Bag in Green

I know the illustration isn't perfect, but hopefully with practice I'll improve. Watch this space!

Monday, 28 September 2015

Monday Fashion

Oh my good god, I feel like complete and utter rot. I turned 27 yesterday (no, 30, I have 3 more years left, stop looming). So in honour of my feeling utterly abhorrent, please enjoy this little outfit I wish I was wearing today. 

I often make stupid outfits on Polyvore, so I think this might become a regular feature over here! 

Way less friendly than I look

Saturday, 26 September 2015

It's been a long time, and a long road

Hey, blog. It's been a while, hasn't it? 
I'd love to fill you in on amazing adventures, tell you how wonderful it's been since last you saw me, but in all honesty - it's been a very difficult year and a bit. I've made some bad decisions, made some painful decisions, and learnt a lot about myself. 

Things got pretty dark for a spell. I was living in total squalor. Surrounded by rubbish, missing meals, and being told I was an "adult baby", "fucking useless" and "incapable" by the person I was living with. In a quagmire of misery sharing a space with someone who had no respect for me whatsoever. I just tried to cling on to what remained of myself. But it was as though my every move was critiqued. I tried to do things for myself, get back into my artwork, listen to music and sing along to it... but I was told my artwork was all the same and told to shut up. I'd try to be social with other people, but I'd just hear about how terrible all my friends and family were and made to feel pathetic for wanting positive company. I tried not to let the drugs, and the hurt get to me. Then, one night, it all just got to be too much. I couldn't be squished any longer, and I got out. 

I've relocated to Norfolk, on my own. Don't worry - Gus and Dexter are still with me! That's right, Dex is still alive. We don't know how, or how much longer for, but he's still with me. I'm cherishing every day that I still wake to his waggy tail. Words can't express how lucky I feel to still have my boys with me. It can be hard sometimes, it can be scary, it can be isolating, but I'm free. I can listen to my music, I can make my art, I can laugh and love myself. 

My sense of self-worth has come into it's own. I realise I have a lot to offer the world, other people, my dogs, my family, myself. I'm good people. I'm not perfect, but I'm good. I've got such a strong sense of who I am, what I care about, what I believe in, what drives me. And now, despite the adversity I have experienced over my past couple of years, I see I'm indomitable. I can't be crushed, I can't be destroyed. No man, woman or beast can take away the person I am. No matter how hard they try (and oh, how they have tried). 

Patch by Sugarbones, available on her storenvy

So, now what? What's happening now? I'm still in and out of hospital in London, I've not returned to study. I had hoped to, but in all honesty my health has not improved enough. Realistically, it may never. But, I'm starting to accept that. I'm starting to be ok with that. I'm working on my art, cultivating a sense of style I adore, making and growing healthy friendships, not taking any (unwarranted) shit from anyone, creating a plus size clothing line, and dreaming of a day where I can get myself a decked out live-in van and fulfil my dream of being a fully fledged nomad. Footloose, fancy free, and whole.

Saturday, 24 May 2014

A new Direction...

Over two months since my last post... I think it's time my blog took a new route*! So today I'm here to talk to you about..... the brain. 

I love films. I love medicine. I love science. I adore combinations of all three. There's just one problem.... Movies often get it wrong. One of the most common ways movies screw up is in showing the brain. Here's an example....

That clip is from Pathology, which if you haven't seen it, you should. I'm not saying it's the best film in the world, but it's pretty fucked up and I enjoyed it. As you can see, Michael Weston's character extracts the brain, holds it for a while, then sets it on the scales. Usual pathology schtick. Note the loud "thunk" at the end as he practically chucks the brain in the scale pan (WHICH WILL TOTALLY RUIN THE CALIBRATION, BY THE WAY).

Why is this wrong? Well, let's look at the scene here. That corpse is pretty fresh. Those guys aren't students, and that is, by the looks of things, the initial removal of the brain. Conclusion? That would be what's referred to as an "unfixed" brain. An unfixed brain, looks a little something like this....

Tadaa!! Squishy, right? Imagine what would happen if you chucked that bad boy in a pan. Sploosh! Now you know a new fact about the brain. Actually, you'll know several if you watch the entirety of the second video.

If you are more of a music fan, here's a wonderful song by "Symphony of Science" on the brain...

And the utterly wonderful TED talk by Jill Bolte Taylor on the brain (Yep, this is the talk used in the Symphony of Science remix!)

I hope you come away from this knowing a little more about the brain. It's seriously fascinating stuff. So, here's my new format. Sharing things which interests me. Expect more or the same, and fingers crossed some of you will enjoy my browsings and sharings. 

(*I've been abandoning my blog, yet again. Looking back through my blog, I find it doesn't really represent me and my interests very well. It's too wishy washy. Too average. I've tried to hard to be like other bloggers and it's been to the detriment of my content because hell, I just don't have the same interests! I love reading blogs from people who do beauty posts, or style posts, maybe food and photography, but that's not what I am all about. 

With that in mind, I've decided to take my blog down a more me-ish freeform route. I see so many things day-to-day on the net I'd love to share, and talk about, but I just don't. Now I'm going to! I know for a fact there are other people like me about, and it's about time I pandered to me.... I mean them. This is going to be my first such blog post in my new format, so I hope you enjoy! )

Sunday, 2 March 2014

I just lost track of my moral code...

I've been getting back in touch with myself a bit this week. It's been a mad couple of years, and it has changed me. In some respects for the better, but in others, definitely for the worse. I used to take really good care of myself. I spent a long time as a vegan, and really enjoyed it. I've always really loved animals, and after looking at the statistics (medical nerd, remember) I adopted a vegan diet. Unfortunately, this coincided with the time I started to become really really unwell and with my energy constantly failing, depression at not getting any healthier sunk in, and eventually... I lost track. 

Marceline art by Ann Mendenhall

My diet over the past year or two has been shockingly shite. Living with my ex partner and his depression was tough. He didn't have the energy to help clean, shopping was difficult for him, I didn't want to put him out, and he didn't really like any of my healthy food so I just gave up. Living on a diet of takeaway and tinned food when you really like to eat fresh is pretty miserable. But my energy levels were too bad to rescue myself. 

Last Tuesday I was back in hospital, but this time it was the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery. Hospital appointments are never easy, They really force you to face your illness. Not to mention, it's exhausting! I spent the two days after my appointment laid up with a horrible headache. I have to go back at some point (waiting lists...) for a minimum of three days of extensive neurological testing. In a stange stroke of luck, just a day or so before this week's hospital trip, I came across this article in the Telegraph about Ella Woodward of "Deliciously Ella". I've been following Ella's blog for donkeys, but I never realised that like me.... she used to be really sick as well. 

Ella Woodward

Between reading Ella's story, and going to hospital, I appear to have been given me the kick up the botty I need to sort my eating out again. I always made the excuse that I'd been vegan and it made no difference to my health. However, despite being Vegan, I still had some really unhealthy habits. I would often eat "pre made" vegan foods, I still used artificial sweeteners in my drinks, and I definitely still ate plenty of sugar. Maybe this is why Veganism made no difference to me? Sweeteners are pretty shit and we all know that (I'm referring to aspartame specifically. No, it doesn't case cancer. They *might* trigger migraines and they *might* lead to weight gain, but on the whole they are safe), they don't taste great and they have 0 nutritional benefit. Then there's sugar. My arch nemesis. 

I have PCOS, so as a result, I have a touch of the old insulin resistance. This leads to increased hunger and a MAD craving for sugar. For reals. I get a whiff of it and I want it. It doesn't stop until I'm nauseous. Which is insane considering that even the smallest amount of sugar makes me really bloody ill. I know it's a trigger. I know it makes me feel awful, yet cravings are a cruel master and I've continued to stuff my body with that refined white crap at a staggering rate. Sugar is in all sorts, even so called prepacked "health" foods are full of it. 

Art from "Psychology Today"

So what should I do? Clearly, it's time to take control of my eating again and cut the crap. So far this week I've eaten fresh pretty much every day. I'm phasing milk out of my diet (I plan to make my own almond milk) and I've cut out the sugar (bar last night, Dominos. I had company). I'm keeping this shit up. Even if I don't feel as though it's making any difference I know it's still the right thing to do for my body. 

Ignoring how good it is for my body to eat healthy whole foods, we have the reason I first went to vegetarianism and veganism. The cute fluffy animals! I don't really like meat a whole lot anyway (queue "But the bacon!!!" from everyone who's an omnivore). It's stodgy, it makes me feel lethargic, and aside from things like duck, it's pretty much tasteless. I'd much rather have a nice hearty bowlful of a delicious pearl barley stew than a steak any day. But the thing that really bothers me is the meat industry. I've been cruelty free with regards to beauty products that I purchase for a long time now, and it's time to get back into my politics. I give a shit, for a multitude of reasons. I don't plan on being one of the "annoying force it down your throat vegan/veggies" but it's something I definitely care about a lot. If you've ever been curious as to how shit it all really is (and don't give me the "it's not like that in the UK" crap, because, it's still terrible here), then I recommend the documentary below. From an animal rights standpoint, that's the last I'll say on the matter for now!

My master plan is to try and do weekly updates on my diet, and how it's making me feel. Any changes or improvements in my health, what I've been eating, recipe sharing, all that good stuff. Hopefully, it will help me a little. Hopefully, it'll help me enough that one day I can share my journey with my chronic illness bro's and help other people find some sort of path back to feeling less like the living dead. 

With that in mind, here's a few pictures of my diet this week...

Here's to quitting the crap!